It continues to astound me how in times of deepest despair, when you feel as though you couldn't cry another tear, that one more thing just couldn't go wrong, the "Why(s)" start happening, and it takes every effort to see God's glory amidst the pain, that His love prevails. I had one of those moments, who am I kidding, I have had a TON of those moments lately.
As many know it has been a bitter sweet year for us Bullards. We have had to stand and face so many tribulations that I started thinking that I must be doing something wrong? Why and how are these storms still lingering? I will have to say that I reached one of those "Not so happy" moments the other day and barricaded myself in my master bedroom closet. I fell to my knees and cried out to God from the deepest pit of my heart, why? Why does this keep happening? Why cant something go right? Why does our insurance totally stink and Elijah needs more help but can't get it? Why does Elijah have to keep enduring so many things? Why do my husband and I have to keep enduring all this blah? I sobbed and yelled and sobbed some more and then I cried out to God, "Please please please let something just work out! Let something great happen to us because I just cant do this anymore! I feel so sad, hopeless and alone"!
Just a few minutes later I felt a sense of peace and then I heard the bathroom door open, then the closet door open, and there stood my precious little Gavin. He walked over to me and pulled my hands off of my eyes while I was crying and said, "Mommy please don't cry, don't be sad. I cant see your eyes Mommy." Then he kissed my face, put his sweet little head on my leg and then he lay ed down on the closet floor with me while I cried.
Gavin's sweetness made me cry even more, but what a glorious way to show me all of the blessings that I still have despite the turmoil. God has blessed me with two of the most amazing little boys whose hearts and spirits never fail. Their love for others runs so deep and innocent. They love us regardless of whatever "moment" we are having. Unconditionally. That is how our Heavenly Father loves us and that in it of itself is a reason to smile even though everything around you seems in disarray.
"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again. I will praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, O my God." Psalm 71:20-22
3 comments:
Beautifully written Bre. What a sweet analogy of God's love for His children. Wish I could give you a bear hug right now.
That is so true. He is faithful. His strength is perfect! You are blessed!
You brought tears to my eyes with your beautiful analogy.
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